From My LOLcats

Dir Proody,

My boifrend and I getting married! But he haz an incest with his sister. I think. They talk about teh secks and also play footsy so I think mebbeh they not just be talking about teh secks.

Marriage will mayk it beddur, riyght?


-- No Like 3somes


Dir No,


Well, first u mite haz an incest on ur paws if he is boinking her. Iz he? Becuz we cats are not so suttle in the arts of luv u shud know this. Hopefully they be usin' proteckshun becuz sibling-sibling litters r not so gud! Nao, if ur problem is just that they are rilly close ... as in, he laik to talk to her moar than u ... u are going to hafta decide if that okay or if u hafta be numero uno

Dir Proody,

I haz a picture! It me! From back! All u see iz mah gud bits. It calico laik me, so I am shure peepul will visit, see it and say, "That u? Woo woo woo!" Then I haz to explain! And whut if mah boifrend see it? It painted by old boifrend! Who saw me newd all the tyme! New boifrend will know! Whut I do?


- Pussy in the picture iz me


Dir Pussy in the picture,

Eat lots of catfud. Get verry wyde. Hang up picture. No one think that u nao. Hyde seekret at all cost, obviyusslee.

Or do whut I would — OWN THAT SHIZZ

Dir Proody,

I haz a kitteh! She little. She great. But she haz a kweshchun! About her daddicat! Who is a tomcat and duzzint want to see her, only sends munny (so killing him only dry up the source). I so suprized she be asking about her daddicat I say he dead! Help me recuvver this fumble.

-- Never thought she'd ask

Dir Never,

In ainchent tail, a frog ferries a scorpion across a swollen river. Once across the river, the scorpion, he sting the frog, who with his dying breth ask, "Why?" Scorpion say, "I'm a scorpion, bitch! That is why!"

My point is that some beehayvyoors are prediktable. More preediktable than a scorpion stinging. Laik asking about daddicats.

Tell her the truth. Duh. She cat. She can take it. Onlee thing cats not take is lies.

Dir Proody,

My mother in law is old, so I take her to store! But she eat little byte of cat chow here, little nibble cat chow there. I say, "Leddicat! That is steeling!" But she look laik cat hoo ate a canary. And she no care and tell me to put a sok in it. Whut I do nao?

-- Bad cats bad cats, whatcha gonna doo?


Dir Bad cat,

Mmmm. Canarees. Deelishuss.

Let kops catch her, tayk her to back room and taze her. That will show her old sorry theivin cat ass. Justiss is krewl sometymes. But if she die whyle they taze her, u go to court, get big settlement! Justiss, it is also kind!