Monday, October 26, 2009

Advice on the fly

Read originals here

Some of this is a little snarky. Can't help myself.

LW whose fiancee wants her own room: Yeah, this wedding thing is her bid for freedom, isn't it? I can't imagine this will work out unless she has an independent life of her own first, so she can appreciate being with you the way all spouses should appreciate their spouses.

LW with an uninvited guest: If this is really a burden for you I kind of feel for your kids. You are cooking/preparing for 8 plus kiddos, somebody can budge up and I doubt you'll run low on nosh.

LW with the fat family: This letter is a total made up joke. Nobody's notorious for going to other people's houses and breaking furniture! All the same, I liked this because it reminded me of the show "Ruby: The First Hundred Pounds" and the "I'm Rick James, bitch!" sketch where Dave Chappelle goes, "I'm GRINDIN' MY FEET IN YO COUCH, EDDIE MURPHY!" (on the ruining furniture tip) and I highly recommend you watch the Ruby show and everyone else watch Dave Chappelle.

LW with nasty bf father texter: When I get dirty texts from unknown numbers (and it happens a lot more than you'd imagine (sike)), I generally text back, "I think you have the wrong number." And the sexting ends. Well, in my case it's mostly, "u want 2 meet up l8r?" and it's clearly intended for someone else. But now you know, I don't see why you wouldn't tell the bf. Because if he decides to dump you over it, he is doing you a favor!

LW with weird biodad: You are a grown-up and he's a freak and no wonder your biomom is not with him. Treat him like radioactive muck — useful for some things, but kind of toxic to be exposed too long to. And DO ask about him to other people.

LW with the shady husband: There is no other reason. Demand to watch him get on FB and let you tool around his profile, etc., with him right there. If he can't be upfront about his online life like that, then it is time to call a private investigator and cadging money out of the joint accounts.

LW who hates "no problem:" Get over it, buddy.

LW who has her own room and so does her husband: Jeebus, I could totally have guessed you were from Seattle. What sort of group living situation forces this sort of future own-room-having? That sounds traumatic!

LW with the immobile MIL: (Let your husband) Tell her the truth. Learn to be an adult who faces challenges and doesn't let them build up. Be amenable to ideas (hers and your own and your husband's) about how to help her with her immobility so she CAN babysit. Perhaps with someone else around?

LW who converted: Don't say anything till you're out of the house, if this is what they're like. Also, don't get caught. Also, if you are, let your parents think it is a phase. Is this satanism perchance you've converted to? I know paganism has a bad rep with certain religious types, but I really hope you're going whole hog in your quest to make your parents angry.

LW with the breast cancer friend: Do it this last time and next time make sure you ask what sort of charges you can expect. You may also want to say that while you have gone pink, bigtime, your friend's energy for the cause is getting in the way of her ability to interact normally and it feels like a shakedown every time you see her. If she is your friend, she needs to know that she's acting outside the bounds of friendship.

LW whose bf has not cut the cords: This is your future, and if you think you can't see it working for you you had best come up with some other plan. Yes, you can talk with him about spending time with you, but he sounds like he's in deep.

LW who has a chubby hubby: I'm sure you're finding out how well shame and disdain work for motivating a person to lose weight with your shrewish comments (ie they don't or the whole of America would be teensy). So cut that out. And ask why his looks are so important to you. And then start communicating with him about committing to a healthy lifestyle and back it up by cooking and taking him out for bike rides and hot yoga classes.

LW with the cheater friend: Well, looky here, you don't want to make assumptions about what was going on in that relationship because 1) it's not yours and 2) it's not so much your beeswax. But 1) no action happens in a relationship vaccuum, this stuff always spirals out and 2) people who are dicks lose friends. Really, what it comes down to is: Do you like him?

LW who thinks "no problem" nazis should just chill: A BIG KISS ON THE CHEEK TO YOU! I like that you overthought this thing and shared.


  1. To the LW with the fat people breaking his furniture - I want to know what kind of cheap ass furniture these people buy?! Maybe if they got something that wasn't made out of the flimsiest particleboard it wouldn't be a problem. The only thing I can possibly imagine that wouldn't work is a dining room chair and I just cannot imagine two large people balanced on a single one of those.

    I thought the same thing with the cheater friend. They have no idea what was going on in this marriage so they really just ought to butt out.

  2. Clearly that letter is a combination of lies and fat-shaming hatred. It is not cute to create a letter that is all about spewing hatred of a group of people.

    Also, I've been looking for a couch lately, and it seems like all the furniture I've seen is blocky, chunky and built for today's American. Except at Cost Plus, where they had a folding chair that was labeled "160 lbs or less only." Which basically excludes everyone but children and small women. I thought that was a hateful product to stock.