From My LOLcats

BONUS LOLCAT ACTION, LOLCATS NOT SEEN FROM LAST WEEK DUE TO FRAYPOCOLYPSE INSANITY!!! EXCLUSIVE!!! MUST CREDIT TO SPACE CADET !!! ALTHOUGH IT IS TOTALLY A FAIR TAKEOFF OF THIS DEAR PRUDIE COLUMN.

Spayss Kadett, U needs to nock off dis all-caps krap. - Proody.

Dir Proody,

Let me prefass dis letter wif a bald fakt: I be havin' a hyooge ding dong. It mai burden, it mai kwaiyet pride. Mai wifeycat, she laik mai ding dong, which is the size and shape of a prickly pear. So she be tellin' all her leddifrens all the tyme about the hyoogeness of mai amayzing ding dong. I ask, "I can haz privacy?" But she say all must kno of amayzing plezhure power I possess. Embarassment, I gots it. Hao I tell hir to stop with the overshare so she ackchually stop?

-- Catsanova, but married

Dir Catsanova,

Ur wyfe, she kno u go outsyde wifout pants, ryte? U r cat. Well, anywai, whut u do is when she start in on hao u have enormuss ding dong, u sai, "Yes. And I will be out on the fence in two more drinks, yowlin' for love. Hint hint." Impress ur wyfe with ur hyooge sense of hyoomer.

Dir Proody,

Mah kitteh won't wear hiz jacket. He fyte laik ninja to no wear it. Hao I win battle over little bebbeh kitteh?

-- Cowed

Dir Cowed,

Yes, the bebbeh kittehs, they are far moar wily than we gives them credit for. Here is a tip: It tayks 2. U or ur wyfe, pick up kitteh by scruff of neck. Kitteh will go limp. Then the other parent put on the jacket.

I think cats in clothes are pretty tackee, tho.

Dir Proody,

Mai daddicat alwais so good to me, buying me things. I ask, "I can haz cheeseburger?" He get me cheeseburger. Naice one, too, with BACON! I ask, "I can haz college education?" He get me naice one of those, too!

But nao he broke from buyin' all those cheeseburgers. Mommicat tell me and it a big seekret. I young but doing okai. I give him and mom money nao? Hao I do this wifout him knoing?

-- dutiful kitteh

Dir Dutiful,

U need to be tellin ur mommicat that there are some seekrets u no keep. This wun of those seekrets. He need help, need a headshrinking cat. Need a plan of ackshun. Need love and support. But not need monee till he get some inishul help.

Dir Proody,

I break up wif boifren the other day! We so wrong together. But I want to be frends wif his mommicat. She wai moar awesome than him. Is this kewl?

-- Laik hiz mom

Dir Laik,

It not wrong to fall under sway of a Cougar in a lezbionic wai. It all good. Might maik for weerd family sichuashuns, if she's into u.