From My Lolcats

Dir Proody,


I iz an ugleh kitteh, but don't wurry! I likz mah butt and stayz clean. I iz not act laik purrshun kitteh! To teh menz, I iz indifferent. Hao I rate maiself so I kno hao to act?


Adequate Alsayshun

Dir Alsayshun,

Hao u act is hao you act. It iz related to ur inner byootie, not ur owtsydes. Also, ur brain wiring. Wai teh eff shud u decide hao to act based on ur looks? U R CAT U DU WHUT U WANT.

Dir Proody,


Mah Sistercat-in-law, she throw a TURRIBULL thanksgiving! She kill all the indianz! Put fud away when we want moar! Leevs the TV on and woant let nobuddy on top uv it! Hao I throw own party this year wifout her killin me?


Partycat

Dir Party,

U do it, u big dummy. Then u take pikchur and u send it wif capshun that say: "UR PARTEE, I FIXED IT."

Dir Proody,


Mah boss is so gud! But hiz wifeycat is robbin' the inshurants companeez! Whut I do nao?


Teefies r kleen

Dir Teefies,

Ur boss, he iz not so gud. U get other job, get relevant dokumenz, u tell sumboddy about dis stuff.

Dir Proody,


I go to cat funeral — lotsa howlin and wailin! So sad! We all be getting sooper crazy wif the grief! It laik Mephistopholes die! Old man cat pass owt! I iz medicalcat, I fix him! It crazy! Then on wai home, hubbicat say, "sum fyooneral, huh?" and I go, "Yes!" and I blow up wif wurds! And emoshuns! They is pouring outta me like I iz vase and I got pushed off the table! An hour layter, he say, "Batcat is up." He wuz listening to the game the hole time! Why he do this to me? Hao I kill heem?


Emoshuns, I got em

Dir Emoshuns,

Teh menz can only tayk five to ten minuts of emoshuns at a tyme. U overstayed ur limit. But if this is important to u, poison his Purina. Next tyme u go on rant, mayk shur the radio is off. Then nobuddy haz to die.