From My Lolcats

Dir Proody,

Mai boifren! He is sooper awesum! But! He hold me down and tickle me and I DUZ NOT LAIK. Maik me mizerabul. Hao I maik heem stop? Did I menchun he iz awesum?

Tikkling bad

Dir Tikkling,

He not awesum. U kill heem nao.

Dir Proody,

Mai mommicat, she soburr nao. Yay! But she not rememburr when I was kitteh. She say, "Wai we not go out? Have naice lunch at Denny's? Talk about ur high school years? Becuz I don't rememburr them? I wud laik some memoreez of those dais for mai burthdai." At furst, I think I write her about those dais, when she kuvvered in vomit and peeing on kitchen floor whyle "Uncle Festus" "axidentally" "fall asleep" in mai room, or tyme when I tell her, "U no come to school play!" but she come in haff-way thru, get on stage and drunkenly sashay and sing "I am Poor Buttercup" but we iz doin "Cats!" But nao I think, naw, don't want to go there at all. Especially in Denny's. Whut I do nao?

"Memories, all alone in the moonlight," it wuz ruined

Dir Memories,

Furst u get reservation for better restaurant. One with eggs benedict. Then u sai, "Mommicat, going there? DO NOT WANT." If she purrsist, u sai, "It was bad and will maik u cry, and this ur burfday. Aren't these eggs benedict delishuss?"


Dir Proody,


I am single. Mai frends have leddicats and boifrens who I don't know and don't particularly care to know. Hao I have dinner party for mai 10 friends only in mai small apartment and not the other cats?


Looking for etti-cat

Dir Etti-cat,

Here's whut u do: Invite everywun to the neighborhood fence and u all dig in garbage cans for dinner (yummy) and hang out on fence. Problem solved.

Dir Proody,


I haz a kitteh. She is adopted! I beleeve very strongly in open adoption, so I want her to meet with her bio family, from whom she was tayken at age 5, for her benefit. Nao, at 12, she say she no want to meet them anymore! But I say it good for her! Whut I do nao?


Did I mention I adopted a kitteh?

Dir adopted,

At 12 they stop wanting to do whut u want them to do. Normally, this is bad, but in this case, I maik exsepshun for  the kitteh. Bio family probably not lotta fun, possiblee a lot more off-kilter than she wants to be associated with. Whut can I sai? There are sum crazy cats out there.  Let her off the hook.