From My LOLcats

Dir Proody,

Mai ex-boifren who left me when I was preggers wif mai kitteh son, tell that kitteh that there is no such thing as Santa Claws. But mah kitteh, he ask me for konfurmashun. I no want kill holidae magik! But I no want heem not trusstin me, neether. Whu I do nao?

Toyland

Dir Toyland,

Ur ex-boifren, he sound not so good, laik bad tomcat. All I say is, if u kill heem, u can be tellin' ur kitteh mebbeh there ain't no daddicat neether, and then the loss of the feeling of majical goodnuss is the leest of kitteh's problems.

Dir Proody,

Mai fatcat of a boss is sayin' all us little guys haff to give heem $75 for a prezzunt and we go celebrate Catsmas at big fancy restaurant wif kaviar and kreem. But I is a poor kitteh who can barely buy a teensy bit of catnip for mommicat. Whu I do nao?

Poor widdle shnookums

Dir Widdle,

Ur boss I can get behind. Whai u not try becoming boss? Then all give tribyoot to u. To haff this, it takes skeel and a mercenary spirit. Which u no haff. Until u haz it, u r pwned.

Dir Proody,

I get mai hubbicat a gift, and he no laik! Evry tyme! Whut I get heem nao?

Gifted

Dir Gifted,

U get him a smack in the fayse, that whut u gift heem.

Dir Proody,

I haz a gay, and I iz happi wif it. Mai mommicat and teh other kittehs in mai litter not laik mah gay so much, tho. They say if I come for Catsmas, I gotta act laik I laik pussy. But pussy? DO NOT WANT. I go there or I juss chill wif mai reel frens, all teh other stray catz?

Fabyooluss cat

Dir Fabyooluss,

U gotta be u. If u got cat class and u gotz cat style, except when u iz at ur mommicat's, stay wif ur stray cat buddiez.

Proodycat owt.