From My Orbit

LW#1: An island suburb of a major Pacific NW metropolis. Could it be Mercer Island? Fox Island? Or are you stretching with Bainbridge Island (bridge goes the wrong way) or even Whidbey Island? Seriously, what is the point of mentioning islands here?

Okay, this is going to sound very uncool, but you're both "thrilled" about being parents without being similarly thrilled with each other? You two realize that having a kid is a stronger bond than having a marriage, right? I know babies are exciting and all, but they are not things to trifle with! God, I sound so old and conservative. Maybe I'm just old and smart. I seriously don't get single parenthood. It's all the responsibility and half the money (or the same amount, but with all the responsibility of a job and a baby). It seems like THE WORST. (Paired with what I suppose some of you single parents will say is THE BEST: KIDS!!! to which I reply: conditions is what I speak of, not the actual kids.)

As to your question about moving to a non-tropical island: You are under no obligation and indeed, I would consider the people you're going to lean hard on (because you may be taking on more than you can handle), which is apparently not the baby daddy, to be the people you should want to be closest to. Consider his eagerness in a stark light: Lots of people love shiny new objects, but not when they have to deal with their poop or emotional needs.

LW#2: You wash your hands after you urinate because it's a good habit to be in. Or you don't because you want to give the world your own special "eff you." Your call.

LW#3: A good lawyer will tell you the chances of your case paying off. It is an assy thing of them to do, but it is also an assy thing for you to do to not tell them you have some sort of apnea, no matter how mild. You are behind the wheel of a potential death machine. Also, your lawyer friend may want to get it untwisted: This is not a HIPAA violation as your friend snitched, not a nurse or doctor treating you (unless he is treating you). Please, do your due diligence and make sure you're safe to be on the road. Someone's life may depend on it.

Speaking of liability, imagine the case against the company if your sleepy butt hit and hurt/killed someone!

LW#4: Eww. Your BIL sounds totally gross. His family should tell him that he has to fess up before he gets married or one of them will. You, however, stay out of it. He may have extenuating circumstances which you're not privy to, hence your word selection (like "pay off"), but his not telling her is not indicative of good things. You don't get to keep this kind of secret from your intended.

LW#5: You don't need permission to make your own decisions. That's your prerogative.

LW#6: Someone's uncle is all about the drama! The way I see it, he needs to shut it. You get the inheritance, and your brother no longer gets to control what you do with it. How you share it with your sister will make a difference, too. It's not just about fairness, it's about making sure that your brother does not extend the grudge beyond the grave, looping you in as his permanent ally.

Don't tell your sister you're sure he'd have wanted her to have some: He didn't! Own your feelings -- that the grudge isn't worth perpetuating!

LW#7: "I guess you think the manager was difficult because you're a total bitch, Anna." Say she's been outvoted, and she can stay down the street if she wants. If this is going to ruin her vacation, and she's going to ruin yours, reconsider ever traveling with her again.

NAQ: A parenting class will not help LW#1 or her baby daddy.

NAQ: No, you're the dumb one here. Sleep apnea = grogginess, lack of concentration and other terrible side effects. With a C-PAP machine he should be alright. Frankly, it's probably a good investment for his health and work.

NAQ: Yeah, you're right. Where did this joker get his JD?

NAQ: "It's not about you" should be what is framed on bathroom walls.

LW#8: Here's a class action lawsuit in the making. Read up on the Lilly Ledbetter Law. Not today, because there is a blackout of Wikipedia. But your company could be in violation of Federal Law. This is the sort of thing that demands a legal interdiction, not an individual request by a young woman for a raise who is likely to take the "bad economy" excuse. This is not your individual problem, this is against the law.

NAQ: What an asshole. Good on your dad and uncle.

LW#9: Yes, you may not-like anyone sometimes. When you start feeling a great more contempt and not-like than love and compassion, however, get to a shrink. And take the kid.

LW#10: I think you need to be honest with your dad. I'm going to tell you a little secret about men. Sometimes, they have an emotion, and it is so overwhelming to them that they let it run away with them. They get it all up in them that this is the biggest, brightest, most meaningful feeling they've ever had (until they have the next one). Their emotion has so much hold over them, they can't see their actions in anything but a positive light, no matter who is left reeling or hurt.

At this point, I think you need to forgive your grandfather for playing into your dad's big emotion revelation. But you need to be honest with your dad. He was a cad to your mother, who was left reeling, and you felt his wedding was disrespectful to her and, by extension, to you, and it hurt.

But here's the thing: Don't expect him to learn or even feel shame.

I have a friend who was in basically your exact situation. Her father, who had always had an undercurrent of the selfish, let it grow and swallow him whole. He left her mother, who was reeling. He married an annoying woman in a ceremony that can only be described as something out of a ... well, they wore robes and there was a dance before the vows. Not like a ballroom dance.

My friend's father, I would wager, has even fewer redeeming qualities than yours, but she managed to forgive him. She manages to forgive him time and again. And her mother is doing way better now. There were a lot of pieces to pick up, but they got picked up.

You're going to have to let your father live his life, and not let it affect you too much. You're going to have to forgive him his selfishness. You're going to have to let your mother feel her grief for herself. You're going to have to have an honest relationship with him, but not tie your ship to his without fenders.

LW#11: She's abusive and maybe retarded. She's in over her head, and letting the state know is a good thing.

LW#12: Well, anyone of us could get hit by a bus ...

Do what parents do, tell him everything is going to be all right. He'll deal with his fears better when he's older. Just let him know you both love him and you're here and not going anywhere.