From My LOLcats

Dir Proody,


When I wuz a kitteh, I had a kittehsitter whose hubbicat molested me. He wuz put in teh pound and last I knew she wuz in total denial about teh molestashun. Haoever, I haz a college class and wun of teh other students is the grandson of teh molester, natchurally it inspires teh big feelings and reaxshuns in me wifout hiz knowledge. He seem okay himself. It getting awkward around here. Whut I do nao?


Scaredy Cat

Dir Scaredy,

Teh fact iz, as a survivor, u need to do whut u need to do to feel sayfe and healthy. So u just keeps doing whut u r doing and if he asks wai u hayte him, u say whut u need to say. Chances r, haoever, he will just think u r freek and avoid u too. But hoo cares? U r in college, catz act all crazy at this age.

Dir Proody,


OMG MAH KITTEH SAW ME AND HUBBICAT HAVIN TEH SECKS! WHUT I DO NAO? HAO I KEEP MAH BEHBEH OFF TEH SHRINK'S SOFA??!! ALSO WE WERE TOTES GOING AT IT AEROBIKALLY.


ZOMG CAT

Dir ZOMG,

Furst thing, u chill teh hayl out. Ur kitteh, he too little to care much abowt u and teh things u do. No matter hao aerobically u say u iz doing it.

Dir Proody,


Mah fyootcher moomicat-in-law duz it all for mah hunny. She brush hiz teeth, mayke hiz bed, wash hiz clothes and tayke him to teh veterinarian. Hao I let her kno I do this for him nao?


Replikating a pattern

Dir Pattern,

Hao abowt he start untying teh damn apron strings? It up to him. And he sound like a loser. Wai u want to take him to teh veterinarian or wash hiz clothes, anniwai? Wai u not want a hubbicat who manage hiz own shizz?

Dir Proody,


I get wedding invite to random chick I barely kno's wedding. I send a gift anniwai?


Clueless

Dir Clueless,

No, u just do whut u want. U r cat, u haz a vertebrae, rite?