Thursday, January 14, 2010

From My Orbit

As per usual, originals can be found here.

LW#1: You say you watch scantily-clad neighbors through their curtains, and you wonder if this is a form of cheating on your wife, to whom you are happily married even though you're in your 20s.

I suppose it's a lot easier to ask, "Am I a cheater?" than, "Am I a creepy peeping Tom?"

Because the answer to the cheating is no, you're not. But as to the question about whether or not you are gross is a definitive yes.

You also ask if you should reach out to these neighbors and tell them they've been putting on a show for months and to please draw the curtain. I'd phrase it as "I saw you through your window by accident the other day."

Some may say that the girls have no reasonable expectation of privacy, or that they probably don't even care and don't mind flashing the neighborhood because they're sluts. But unless they are spending lingering amounts of time posing in front of their windows like red light district prostitutes, they are counting on coincidence and neighborliness to keep them safe from prying eyes.

Apparently they couldn't count on yours. And that's a lesson to us all, says the alien who had a large window (though somewhat high) facing the street and a mini trampoline she used to bounce around on in her T-shirt and undies after a long day to loosen up while the blinds were up.

Special to Prudie: When two people make a date to violate the privacy of another person for sexual titillation, that's even creepier than one sad horndog caught off-guard.

LW#2: OMG. You should have just declined when you learned it was about work. Take it from me, there is some crap that goes on that you just flat out do not need or want to know.

You are all bad actors, and this is a dumb situation. Can all three of you not learn from it and move on like adults?

LW#3: You are terrified of spiders, yet for him you bought a tarantula. And though you nightly have (somewhat unjustified) terrors of the thing, you have lived with it for two years.

While your husband has open eyes about the lack of safety hazard caused by tarantulas (although I'd hate to think of a curious toddler putting it in his mouth), he is apparently completely blinded to his duty to be mindful of your needs, including your need to feel safe. And now you're reproducing with him.

What else is there about him that you have learned to ignore, much like you ignore that tarantula in that corner of the room?

For the record: Getting a pet that is a predator and undomesticated, like a tarantula or a snake, means not only taking on certain risks, but taking on an animal that will never love you. Do not enter into this sort of pet ownership with a light heart and an easy mind.

LW#4: Just ignore the creep. Presumably, if he doesn't lessen his creeper ways, you'll know the legal avenues to take to deal with him.

1 comment:

  1. The wise Alien has spoken and humans better listen!

    About snakes and spiders: Good point about the lack of love. I wonder why humans would keep pets that will never love them and rightfully instinctively shun them???

    Or why don't earthlings go naked all the time when the weather permits so they wont get all flustered and titillated just from catching a look at a bit of skin? (if you're a nudist and visiting, remember basic nudist etiquette: always carry a towel with you to sit on)

    Good for you for bouncing on that trampoline, that so healthy and so much fun... Obviously aliens know best.