OMG it's been so long! I will try to never be away from you all that long again! Okay! Here we go!
As usual, read it all here first.
LW#1: Sister wants YOU to take time out and pay to ship her gifts? I see why you are upset. No need to pile on the "we are professionals" here, just when your sister says something patently crazy, call her out with a laugh and a "that's crazytalk." If she repeats herself, say, "Look, the post office? We'll give you a ride there on Dec. 26." Yes, they were open.
Telling her that you're willing to share the inconvenience that way is about as good as you can do, and that she's awfully demanding, isn't she?
LW#2: Well, you only started seriously dating her a month ago. Look, is this the kind of person you want to be with? And moreover, is this the kind of person you want to be? Suspicious, jealous and trying to make her give up gifts that are just lotion and perfume (hey, the fact that he knows what she likes probably means bupkis, if that means anything to you. These are superbasic gifts for chicks). Sure, she's kind of weird about these gifts, and that means, I think, more than the whole tension you're creating around them in and of themselves.
I don't get what all her church talk or "he's married" talk is about, but let's face it, you've been in this thing a month and already you sense she has checked out. Nothing at all you can do about that, dude.
LW#3: So they breached etiquette, that's what a-holes do.
Now you are both totally aware that they are big a-holes. I don't see why you need to go all crazy doubling down on the number of a-holes in the family by refusing to see them for Christmas.
Besides, these are an aunt and uncle, fairly peripheral to the people you will be seeing. And EVERYBODY has an a-hole relative they don't want to see. Just ask around the Fray.
Your best bet is to shrug your shoulders, realize that you cannot control nor reform these a-holes, and move along in your own lives with as much dignity and grace as you personally can muster and not take things so personal.
LW#4: She hates you out loud, and you act your hatred of her out passive-aggresive style. Great.
I mean, as long as you realize that what you are doing is an act of malicious spite, as long as you realize that what you are doing will do nothing to thaw out your frosty relationship with this woman and do everything to make it colder. As long as you realize that your special someone is going to have to be the filter for this negative two way hatred, a position I'm sure she'll just freaking love, then go ahead, put your feelings in that locked metal box.
I mean, don't feel obligated to be the better person just because you want to show your honey that you aren't going to let her mother hate you for foolish reasons only, and not any actual behavior on your part.
Sheesh.
I doubt you'd call this wrapping a "masterpiece" if you hadn't heard some cartoon villain use it before.
Besides, she isn't in on the longstanding years of prank wrapping.
Give people a break. They may give you one in return, awesome rich prankster dude.
Showing posts with label holiday drama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holiday drama. Show all posts
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
From My Orbit
As usual, original letters can be found here.
LW#1: Your ex is kind of an a-hole, I will give you that, if your version of events is correct and, totally unprompted by the child, he just decided to take a dump on the fantasy that is Santa Claus.
On the other hand, by age 8, I think it's appropriate for kids to start discovering the boundary of fantasy. That is, at some point, they can't be thinking there are fairies and unicorns and Santa and his merry band of toy-making slaves, er, elves, and flying reindeer. But that's not all! There is the dark side of fantasy! Witches, evil powers, the devil, goblins and demons. Learning that those creatures don't exist, and that mankind basically creates its own hell with no supernatural prompting, is a lesson that is important, sad and at the same time reassuring one.
Think back on your own Santa revelation time. Mine was pathetically late, as I had "heard Santa's deer" on the roof during a period of skepticism/hypothesis testing one Christmas Eve and I was good until about 11 or 12, when finally I had to face the fact that elves did not make Fisher-Price toys, Fisher-Price did. Also, the time I didn't tell my parents I lost a molar and the Tooth Fairy didn't come and I threw a fit at the breakfast table, blubbing and declaring, "YOU LIED TO ME!!!" I was the sort who was not one to let the fantasy go, you know?
The point is, we all put this in context eventually. Usually within a few hours or days. Kids are actually quite resilient, and are better at taking in news than people give them credit for. What they really want to hear is that you will protect them, that they are safe, and that their trust is not completely misplaced. And I'm pretty sure that all of us who had loving parents were able to get over the blow, especially if our parents were sensitive about it and not caustic (like your ex) or mocking.
Also, I suggest that your last q: "What's there to live for when you don't believe in all the things that make a moment special?" Needs to be readjusted. I mean, you hear it all the time: Santa is not the be all and end all of Christmas. It's about family, love, religious faith, seeing light return to the world after a dark period, knowing that the worst is over. There are so many things that make every moment special, and the more your child knows about those things, and values those things over something make-believe and materialistic, the better off he'll be.
Best of luck!
LW#2: Everyone chips in $75 to buy the boss a present? What? Isn't he the one making the bank here?
Honey, I feel your pain. This sounds like a crazy situation. I suggest you find someone more experienced who you consider reasonable at the office and say, "Here is my problem: I live paycheck to paycheck and I can't pony up $75 for the boss. I'm not even ponying up $75 for my own mother. I don't want to be looked at poorly for this, but I am, in fact, kinda poor." I mean, first, get your arms around this thing and see if you're not reading overly-dramatic expectations into it. Because Jeebus, there is a recession on and I can't imagine the boss is really such a dingleberry that this is the kind of thing he expects at such a time, especially knowing his own workers' salaries. (OTOH, he has been accepting this, so that puts him in a messed-up light, too.)
Another recommendation I'll make for you is to read Elizabeth Warren's "All Your Worth." It is a book about budgeting that makes it *real* simple. And I'd tell you to start reading Michelle Singletary's comments on the Washington Post website. She is the "Color of Money" columnist, and although her philosophies are occasionally on the religious side, she has good advice in general. Because it sounds like you need some budgeting help in general.
LW#3: Give him a gift card from here out and he can use it to buy gifts for others. He's obviously got some kind of compulsion that you can't help at all. The only thing you can do is quit giving him meaningful gifts, because it turns his rejection of them into a rejection of you. So stop making your gifts to him about you, like the charity donations Prudie talked about.
Also, maybe you could ask him to research the best couples counselor in town, because obviously there is some chip in his brain he is bypassing and he could use someone professional (of his choice) to help him access it.
LW#4: Your mom sure sounds like some shrink. One wonders about the damage she may have inflicted on her non-straight patients. In fact, the whole drama of avoiding any personal questions to you basically undermines all her claims of competency.
But back to you. I think there is nothing wrong with spending the holidays with people who accept and love you for who you are, and I think there is nothing wrong about putting it this way to your family. It sounds like they are not ones for candor, but it is badly, badly needed in this circumstance.
That said, there is no reason to stir up drama about it. In fact, approach it as a logical conclusion of their rejection of you, say that you, too, wish your relationships could be closer, but you just can't get there because they don't want the truth from you, and until they accept who you are, they'll always be at arms length. Keep it brief, then step aside and let THEM make their own choices.
You are in one sucky position, but let's be honest — you didn't ask to be put there, and the people who did can undo it.
Best of luck.
LW#1: Your ex is kind of an a-hole, I will give you that, if your version of events is correct and, totally unprompted by the child, he just decided to take a dump on the fantasy that is Santa Claus.
On the other hand, by age 8, I think it's appropriate for kids to start discovering the boundary of fantasy. That is, at some point, they can't be thinking there are fairies and unicorns and Santa and his merry band of toy-making slaves, er, elves, and flying reindeer. But that's not all! There is the dark side of fantasy! Witches, evil powers, the devil, goblins and demons. Learning that those creatures don't exist, and that mankind basically creates its own hell with no supernatural prompting, is a lesson that is important, sad and at the same time reassuring one.
Think back on your own Santa revelation time. Mine was pathetically late, as I had "heard Santa's deer" on the roof during a period of skepticism/hypothesis testing one Christmas Eve and I was good until about 11 or 12, when finally I had to face the fact that elves did not make Fisher-Price toys, Fisher-Price did. Also, the time I didn't tell my parents I lost a molar and the Tooth Fairy didn't come and I threw a fit at the breakfast table, blubbing and declaring, "YOU LIED TO ME!!!" I was the sort who was not one to let the fantasy go, you know?
The point is, we all put this in context eventually. Usually within a few hours or days. Kids are actually quite resilient, and are better at taking in news than people give them credit for. What they really want to hear is that you will protect them, that they are safe, and that their trust is not completely misplaced. And I'm pretty sure that all of us who had loving parents were able to get over the blow, especially if our parents were sensitive about it and not caustic (like your ex) or mocking.
Also, I suggest that your last q: "What's there to live for when you don't believe in all the things that make a moment special?" Needs to be readjusted. I mean, you hear it all the time: Santa is not the be all and end all of Christmas. It's about family, love, religious faith, seeing light return to the world after a dark period, knowing that the worst is over. There are so many things that make every moment special, and the more your child knows about those things, and values those things over something make-believe and materialistic, the better off he'll be.
Best of luck!
LW#2: Everyone chips in $75 to buy the boss a present? What? Isn't he the one making the bank here?
Honey, I feel your pain. This sounds like a crazy situation. I suggest you find someone more experienced who you consider reasonable at the office and say, "Here is my problem: I live paycheck to paycheck and I can't pony up $75 for the boss. I'm not even ponying up $75 for my own mother. I don't want to be looked at poorly for this, but I am, in fact, kinda poor." I mean, first, get your arms around this thing and see if you're not reading overly-dramatic expectations into it. Because Jeebus, there is a recession on and I can't imagine the boss is really such a dingleberry that this is the kind of thing he expects at such a time, especially knowing his own workers' salaries. (OTOH, he has been accepting this, so that puts him in a messed-up light, too.)
Another recommendation I'll make for you is to read Elizabeth Warren's "All Your Worth." It is a book about budgeting that makes it *real* simple. And I'd tell you to start reading Michelle Singletary's comments on the Washington Post website. She is the "Color of Money" columnist, and although her philosophies are occasionally on the religious side, she has good advice in general. Because it sounds like you need some budgeting help in general.
LW#3: Give him a gift card from here out and he can use it to buy gifts for others. He's obviously got some kind of compulsion that you can't help at all. The only thing you can do is quit giving him meaningful gifts, because it turns his rejection of them into a rejection of you. So stop making your gifts to him about you, like the charity donations Prudie talked about.
Also, maybe you could ask him to research the best couples counselor in town, because obviously there is some chip in his brain he is bypassing and he could use someone professional (of his choice) to help him access it.
LW#4: Your mom sure sounds like some shrink. One wonders about the damage she may have inflicted on her non-straight patients. In fact, the whole drama of avoiding any personal questions to you basically undermines all her claims of competency.
But back to you. I think there is nothing wrong with spending the holidays with people who accept and love you for who you are, and I think there is nothing wrong about putting it this way to your family. It sounds like they are not ones for candor, but it is badly, badly needed in this circumstance.
That said, there is no reason to stir up drama about it. In fact, approach it as a logical conclusion of their rejection of you, say that you, too, wish your relationships could be closer, but you just can't get there because they don't want the truth from you, and until they accept who you are, they'll always be at arms length. Keep it brief, then step aside and let THEM make their own choices.
You are in one sucky position, but let's be honest — you didn't ask to be put there, and the people who did can undo it.
Best of luck.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
From My Orbit
As always, original letters and advice are here: http://www.slate.com/id/2235694/
LW#1: Dang, grouchy, why are you such a stick in the mud? This is what they've always done, it's kind of cute, and I don't think the fact that you're not changing your name to Smith (like you future BIL did? Come on!) lets you off the hook.
Families do cheesy things together. That's how they bond. Obviously, you get this, in that your "future family" will have basically this exact same cheesy portrait situation. And when the time comes, you can do this and have your own Christmas card that you write the letter for, even as you continue to pose with the in-laws. So why are you being such a bad sport now? Why is this such an anger-provoking thing for you?
I wonder if you're so sick about this because you don't want to be a part of this family. At all. Because this is not umbilical-attachment behavior on your future husband's part, this is just one of those things that comes from having obligations, respect and love to and for other people.
LW#2: This is intensely, deeply weird, and I would not consider this man Mr. Right any more. Beyond photoshopping his step/daughter to look nude ("Photoshop. Yeah, that's the ticket!"), taking lingerie pics of her in the first place, even for her wedding day, is straight up not the kind of thing people want their fathers to do/want to do for their daughters.
You know what you have to do.
LW#3: Well, if there are any professional reasons you shouldn't try to date this guy, then I would hold back. But if you're not a fake letter, and you have developed feelings for this guy, and you're willing to expose yourself to loving him, nursing him as he gets ill, and ultimately losing him, that is your business. You don't have to treat him when he comes in, right? Some other nurse could do that.
So sure, why not send him a message that says you've noticed him, and here's how and if he's uncomfortable no big deal, but you totally dig him?
But before you do that, please take a step back and ask yourself, "Why do I want to pursue a relationship with someone who I know is this ill, who stands across a HIPPA barrier from me, and who I will spend time watching die?" Are you often attracted to men who are, in some ways, doomed, or unavailable to you?
LW#4: This is a situation where the father should talk to the brother, and, if he does not get a "Yeah, I can leave the howitzer at home, and I'll be on my best behavior" answer, should disinvite the guy. And if he gets that answer and Uncle Festus comes, but has the usual behavior and is concealed-carrying, he needs to escort him away post-haste.
Also, if your BF's dad is going to not understand the purpose of getting together to meet your immediate family and strike up some friendly conversation and bonding, and is going to do the "let's invite crazy Uncle Festus" thing on a regular basis (getting married anytime soon?), he's going to have to be watched.
Not that what he did is particularly bad. In fact, it's kind of a positive sign for you as you get closer to making him your FIL. He's a compassionate guy. That sort of thing trickles down, apple-from-tree style.
I get why he feels bad for Uncle Festus. Who among us does not have some variation on an Uncle Festus in our family? Someone who is outcast from the rest and unsocializable, someone who has done something, perhaps something unforgiveable to half the family, yet because Uncle Festus is so lonely and sad-sacky, and possibly mentally ill or brain damaged, there is always a brother or something who works to include him under the rubric, "this is my brother. I have to take care of him."
Yeah, but the father will have to become his brother's keeper. And if this is going to get in the way of meeting your family, then maybe you should pick a non-holiday for a Mulligan, if that becomes necessary.
LW#1: Dang, grouchy, why are you such a stick in the mud? This is what they've always done, it's kind of cute, and I don't think the fact that you're not changing your name to Smith (like you future BIL did? Come on!) lets you off the hook.
Families do cheesy things together. That's how they bond. Obviously, you get this, in that your "future family" will have basically this exact same cheesy portrait situation. And when the time comes, you can do this and have your own Christmas card that you write the letter for, even as you continue to pose with the in-laws. So why are you being such a bad sport now? Why is this such an anger-provoking thing for you?
I wonder if you're so sick about this because you don't want to be a part of this family. At all. Because this is not umbilical-attachment behavior on your future husband's part, this is just one of those things that comes from having obligations, respect and love to and for other people.
LW#2: This is intensely, deeply weird, and I would not consider this man Mr. Right any more. Beyond photoshopping his step/daughter to look nude ("Photoshop. Yeah, that's the ticket!"), taking lingerie pics of her in the first place, even for her wedding day, is straight up not the kind of thing people want their fathers to do/want to do for their daughters.
You know what you have to do.
LW#3: Well, if there are any professional reasons you shouldn't try to date this guy, then I would hold back. But if you're not a fake letter, and you have developed feelings for this guy, and you're willing to expose yourself to loving him, nursing him as he gets ill, and ultimately losing him, that is your business. You don't have to treat him when he comes in, right? Some other nurse could do that.
So sure, why not send him a message that says you've noticed him, and here's how and if he's uncomfortable no big deal, but you totally dig him?
But before you do that, please take a step back and ask yourself, "Why do I want to pursue a relationship with someone who I know is this ill, who stands across a HIPPA barrier from me, and who I will spend time watching die?" Are you often attracted to men who are, in some ways, doomed, or unavailable to you?
LW#4: This is a situation where the father should talk to the brother, and, if he does not get a "Yeah, I can leave the howitzer at home, and I'll be on my best behavior" answer, should disinvite the guy. And if he gets that answer and Uncle Festus comes, but has the usual behavior and is concealed-carrying, he needs to escort him away post-haste.
Also, if your BF's dad is going to not understand the purpose of getting together to meet your immediate family and strike up some friendly conversation and bonding, and is going to do the "let's invite crazy Uncle Festus" thing on a regular basis (getting married anytime soon?), he's going to have to be watched.
Not that what he did is particularly bad. In fact, it's kind of a positive sign for you as you get closer to making him your FIL. He's a compassionate guy. That sort of thing trickles down, apple-from-tree style.
I get why he feels bad for Uncle Festus. Who among us does not have some variation on an Uncle Festus in our family? Someone who is outcast from the rest and unsocializable, someone who has done something, perhaps something unforgiveable to half the family, yet because Uncle Festus is so lonely and sad-sacky, and possibly mentally ill or brain damaged, there is always a brother or something who works to include him under the rubric, "this is my brother. I have to take care of him."
Yeah, but the father will have to become his brother's keeper. And if this is going to get in the way of meeting your family, then maybe you should pick a non-holiday for a Mulligan, if that becomes necessary.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
From My Orbit
As always, originals can be found here!
LW#1: Oh dear lord tell me you are a fake LW. Please tell me that.
I really hate people who say they aren't sure if they're attractive or not. By what standard are you measuring yourself? The standard where Megan Fox is at one end and Phyllis Diller on the other that is basically a measure of whether you are up to code in the beauty standard department or the one where personality is involved? Because those are two different things.
Also, don't take this wrong, but ugly and plain people hook up All. The. Time. I have babysat for their kids, in fact.
Even Froggy went a-courtin'.
Okay, and the other thing I object to is your thinking flirting is "wrong" for the "unattractive woman." Flirting is *human* not for a special class of beauty code compliant women and men! But I'm giving you slack because you (and maybe your friends?) seem to think all flirting entails is sexyface and leg-touching and suggestive licking of ice cream. If you do it right, winning a game of Trivial Pursuit can be flirty (well, it works for me).
So moving on, your friends tell you to telegraph your interest, but you think the plain ugly ducklings of the world should shy away from potentially appearing as if they have needs or rights to join the great game of courtship. Eff that noise.
Maybe an attitude, wardrobe, hair and makeup adjustment won't make you think you're more attractive, but I think someone needs a little perspective and maybe a brow wax when I read your letter. Oh, and there's no "objectively attractive." My husband thinks I hung the moon. He also doesn't see the appeal of Angelina Jolie. A relative of mine married her cousin, and he had worked for Greta Garbo. His comment on his wife, "Yeah, Greta was all right, but my *wife,* (insert sigh) she is really something." If you ever saw a picture of this woman, you'd not be wrong to think, "ORLY?"
I also think you need to figure out why you're so anti- putting yourself out there. Yeah, someone turning their nose up at you is not fun (it has happened to the hottest of us), but it's part of life and ultimately they're doing you a favor. You never get to fail in love with your "I'm too middling to mate," but you never get to fall in love, either.
Don't dress it up as your checking your genes out of the human swimming pool for humanity's sake. You are as deserving of love and sex as any other person out there, and quite possibly more. You don't have to act like a Stepford robot, but you do have to put yourself out there.
LW#2: Go ahead and do what you want. This woman has hosted seven *terrible* Thanksgivings by ANY standard, and you need to introduce some balance. Just tell her, "I feel bad that you do this on your own every year, and I want to give you a year off." If she objects, say, "It'll be different, sure, but there'll be a lot of fun people there, you'll have a blast."
If she's a control freak (and with the insta-clearing she sounds like one) she may feel offended. But you know what, you can't control that! And you shouldn't let that control you!
So go for it! Thanksgiving is the best of all the holidays, because although there are expectations there are no gifts and there IS stufing/dressing! There is no reason it should be awful for you! Exclamation point!
Plus, you'll be having too much fun to be worrying about her if she stays home and does her rigid thing with the weird TV-blasting in the background.
Also your husband? He needs to be the buffer of his family's wrath, if that would actually come down on your head. Just sayin' he has a role in this.
LW#3: Oooh, bind-o-rama.
This is a real problem.
Okay, first, start looking for another job. Because this is for sure going to impact your employment, either if you talk to your boss or if you send an anonymous letter to the insurance commissioner or the company.
Second, I would make sure you knew this was happening on a broad scale, and had documents xeroxed or whatever, before you acted. I mean, seriously. And I would not approach the boss about this, because you don't know what is happening with his awareness.
Third, I'm sorry this happened to you. Perhaps it's my own personal work experience, but there is not always satisfaction or justice in doing the right thing for the right reasons. And in this economy you may just want to keep your head down and do your job and get an escape hatch before you blow the roof off, because I'm telling you right now, what you're setting yourself up for is possibly a world of suck.
Oh, and forget Prudie's weird decision to drag in the healthcare debate. I'm pretty sure we won't have dental, anyway. And this isn't about "medical waste," this is about fraud.
LW#4: OMG.
Either your husband is a long time insensitive jerk and you came to a point where you had to ask the Internet Lady if this is too much, or this is a one-time thing.
Some people can't handle emotional stuff, painful emotional stuff especially, very well. The funeral was obviously a big deal, and he'd probably overloaded his circuits if he's one of those people. Your circuits were certainly fried, and the way you cope is to talk about it. The way he coped is to bury it.
Men are masters of the non-reaction reaction. They're basically told from birth to be pokerfaced at all times unless they need to bluff. Seriously.
On the other hand, if he routinely brushes you off and tunes out your coping mechanism of talking it through, he's a deeldoh, as the LOLcats would say. And, special to the Internet Lady, if he tunes you out for a ballgame during a genuine emergency, he's a vurry beeg deeldoh.
LW#1: Oh dear lord tell me you are a fake LW. Please tell me that.
I really hate people who say they aren't sure if they're attractive or not. By what standard are you measuring yourself? The standard where Megan Fox is at one end and Phyllis Diller on the other that is basically a measure of whether you are up to code in the beauty standard department or the one where personality is involved? Because those are two different things.
Also, don't take this wrong, but ugly and plain people hook up All. The. Time. I have babysat for their kids, in fact.
Even Froggy went a-courtin'.
Okay, and the other thing I object to is your thinking flirting is "wrong" for the "unattractive woman." Flirting is *human* not for a special class of beauty code compliant women and men! But I'm giving you slack because you (and maybe your friends?) seem to think all flirting entails is sexyface and leg-touching and suggestive licking of ice cream. If you do it right, winning a game of Trivial Pursuit can be flirty (well, it works for me).
So moving on, your friends tell you to telegraph your interest, but you think the plain ugly ducklings of the world should shy away from potentially appearing as if they have needs or rights to join the great game of courtship. Eff that noise.
Maybe an attitude, wardrobe, hair and makeup adjustment won't make you think you're more attractive, but I think someone needs a little perspective and maybe a brow wax when I read your letter. Oh, and there's no "objectively attractive." My husband thinks I hung the moon. He also doesn't see the appeal of Angelina Jolie. A relative of mine married her cousin, and he had worked for Greta Garbo. His comment on his wife, "Yeah, Greta was all right, but my *wife,* (insert sigh) she is really something." If you ever saw a picture of this woman, you'd not be wrong to think, "ORLY?"
I also think you need to figure out why you're so anti- putting yourself out there. Yeah, someone turning their nose up at you is not fun (it has happened to the hottest of us), but it's part of life and ultimately they're doing you a favor. You never get to fail in love with your "I'm too middling to mate," but you never get to fall in love, either.
Don't dress it up as your checking your genes out of the human swimming pool for humanity's sake. You are as deserving of love and sex as any other person out there, and quite possibly more. You don't have to act like a Stepford robot, but you do have to put yourself out there.
LW#2: Go ahead and do what you want. This woman has hosted seven *terrible* Thanksgivings by ANY standard, and you need to introduce some balance. Just tell her, "I feel bad that you do this on your own every year, and I want to give you a year off." If she objects, say, "It'll be different, sure, but there'll be a lot of fun people there, you'll have a blast."
If she's a control freak (and with the insta-clearing she sounds like one) she may feel offended. But you know what, you can't control that! And you shouldn't let that control you!
So go for it! Thanksgiving is the best of all the holidays, because although there are expectations there are no gifts and there IS stufing/dressing! There is no reason it should be awful for you! Exclamation point!
Plus, you'll be having too much fun to be worrying about her if she stays home and does her rigid thing with the weird TV-blasting in the background.
Also your husband? He needs to be the buffer of his family's wrath, if that would actually come down on your head. Just sayin' he has a role in this.
LW#3: Oooh, bind-o-rama.
This is a real problem.
Okay, first, start looking for another job. Because this is for sure going to impact your employment, either if you talk to your boss or if you send an anonymous letter to the insurance commissioner or the company.
Second, I would make sure you knew this was happening on a broad scale, and had documents xeroxed or whatever, before you acted. I mean, seriously. And I would not approach the boss about this, because you don't know what is happening with his awareness.
Third, I'm sorry this happened to you. Perhaps it's my own personal work experience, but there is not always satisfaction or justice in doing the right thing for the right reasons. And in this economy you may just want to keep your head down and do your job and get an escape hatch before you blow the roof off, because I'm telling you right now, what you're setting yourself up for is possibly a world of suck.
Oh, and forget Prudie's weird decision to drag in the healthcare debate. I'm pretty sure we won't have dental, anyway. And this isn't about "medical waste," this is about fraud.
LW#4: OMG.
Either your husband is a long time insensitive jerk and you came to a point where you had to ask the Internet Lady if this is too much, or this is a one-time thing.
Some people can't handle emotional stuff, painful emotional stuff especially, very well. The funeral was obviously a big deal, and he'd probably overloaded his circuits if he's one of those people. Your circuits were certainly fried, and the way you cope is to talk about it. The way he coped is to bury it.
Men are masters of the non-reaction reaction. They're basically told from birth to be pokerfaced at all times unless they need to bluff. Seriously.
On the other hand, if he routinely brushes you off and tunes out your coping mechanism of talking it through, he's a deeldoh, as the LOLcats would say. And, special to the Internet Lady, if he tunes you out for a ballgame during a genuine emergency, he's a vurry beeg deeldoh.
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